ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
