You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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