I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
