Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
