I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
