I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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