Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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