She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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