I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
