I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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