I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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