Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
