420 ftw
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
