you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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