Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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