Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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