Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
