That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
