A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize