What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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