Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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