just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
