Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
