we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
