I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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