So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
