just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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