how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
