so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
