Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
