and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
