it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
