You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize