just come out here and I will go home with you...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
