you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
