is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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