happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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