my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
