There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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