Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
