dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
