The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
