I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
