she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
