Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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