I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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