She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
