I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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