I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
