hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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