Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I smell like Dick and happiness
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