I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dick very happy bro
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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