You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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