Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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