apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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