There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
